«

»

Mar 06

Advice From Your Therapist

student debt survivorWorking in the mental health field I meet patients from all walks of life. From clients with marriage problems to individuals diagnosed with Schizophrenia. Each day is new and different, but each day I learn something.

So, whether you have a therapist or not here’s some free, “Advice From Your Therapist”:

  1. Reading self-help books doesn’t make you weak. It makes you stronger.
  2. Take your own advice. You give great advice to friends, why not use it for your self?
  3. Laugh at yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, it’s not that serious!
  4. Learn your faults/flaws. If you don’t know what they are you can’t “fix” them.
  5. Sit with Silence. Don’t fill in silence because it’s uncomfortable. Wait and what you say will mean more.
  6. Taking medication doesn’t mean you’re, “crazy”. Normal people suffer from anxiety and depression and medication helps.
  7. Listen for what they’re not saying. Sometimes the elephant in the room is easy to identify based on what people don’t say.
  8. Watch body language. Our verbal communication is much less important than our non-verbal.

I try to use all of these tips in my day to day life, both in my work with patients and at home. It’s amazing how much they’ve changed the way I think about myself and others. Fortunately you don’t need an expensive therapist to practice mindfulness. But if you need an expensive therapist, give me a call ;-)  Do you give good advice to others? Do you “take” your own advice?

Image: Esparta

32 comments

3 pings

Skip to comment form

  1. Glen @ Monster Piggy Bank

    I love sitting in silence and I am a huge believer in body language, it almost never lies despite what someone might be telling you verbally.

    1. studentdebtsurvivor.com

      So true. I read one somewhere that communication is 99% non-verbal, and I believe it.

  2. John S @ Frugal Rules

    I love this list, especially #3. I think it also helps us learn from our mistakes and not to take things so seriously at times.

    1. studentdebtsurvivor.com

      Thanks John!

  3. Mackenzie

    “Take your own advice. You give great advice to friends, why not use it for yourself?” This is one that I think many people struggle with at times… We know what’s best for us, but sometimes can’t make the connnection.

    1. studentdebtsurvivor.com

      I’m pretty good a giving advice (I guess that’s why I chose my career path), but taking my own advice, not so much. It’s something I’m working on.

  4. Edward Antrobus

    I used to be a chronic depression sufferer, in and out of therapy. When I met one that quoted Einstein to me, I knew I found somebody who could actually help. She helped me fight some behaviors that were limiting my ability to increase my happiness. Because not fighting those behaviors wasn’t going to get me any where.

    1. studentdebtsurvivor.com

      Depression is so painful and can be so debilitating. Sounds like you found a good therapist. Sometimes it’s all about finding someone you “click” with. If you don’t have the right dynamic the therapy won’t be effective and then you can’t work on the things that are important because you spend to much time trying to find the right balance within the therapeutic relationship.

  5. Do or Debt

    Thanks for these reminders! I don’t take my advice as much as I dole it out :) I think everyone should be in therapy, at some point in their life.

    1. studentdebtsurvivor.com

      I agree, but maybe I’m a little biased ;-) Therapy is so important (and not just for people who have “issues” or suffer from mental illnesses). Everyone has problems and everyone would benefit from having an objective listener/sounding board.

  6. krantcents

    I used to give great financial advice to others and they even paid me for it. I am very good at reflecting on my decisions and changing my habits as well. I thin k I am continually evolving.

    1. studentdebtsurvivor.com

      I think you still give great financial advice! Continuing to reassess yourself and taking the time to grow and learn is so important. When you think you’ve got it all “figured out” is exactly when we need to shake things up a little bit.

  7. Mo' Money Mo' Houses

    Those are some great bits of advice!

    1. studentdebtsurvivor.com

      Thanks, I hope a few of them are a little bit interesting or helpful.

  8. anna

    Kind of going with #4, the best take-away I’ve received was that before you say something rash or in haste, you always have the power to take a moment to reflect what you say, and say it in a less emotionally-filled and more rational manner. It’s really helped me out from my tumultuous 20’s!

    1. studentdebtsurvivor.com

      Absolutely. I’ve been known to be a bit of a hot head. Ironically, it doesn’t come in my work, but definitely comes out in my personal life. So I try to use these tips in my personal relationships as well as my professional relationships with clients.

  9. CF

    I think that being aware of your faults is an important skill. It also makes you more aware of other people’s faults and, at least for me, more understanding of who they are as fellow human beings. For example, I know that one of my colleagues is terrible at one-on-one communication. That makes me more understanding when I ask him a question and he isn’t able to answer it clearly right away. If I wasn’t aware of the fault and understanding of it, I might just think he was being difficult or stupid.

    1. studentdebtsurvivor.com

      That’s a great point. Knowing other people’ faults is sometimes just as important as knowing our own. it’s easy to get frustrated with peers if we think they’re being difficult, but like you said, sometimes people just aren’t good at communicating.

  10. Laurie @thefrugalfarmer

    Love this list, KK! I too was a chronic depression sufferer for years, and one of the things that really helped me was focusing on helping others. This may not work for everyone, but when I got out into the volunteer world and helped at homeless shelters and the like, it helped me focus on the good I could do for others, and also helped me to see that I had a pretty good life, despite what my head told me. Great post!

    1. studentdebtsurvivor.com

      Thanks Laurie. I’m sure those folks you helped were really glad to have your support. It’s great that volunteering was helpful with your depression. Being thankful for what we have (in relation to what other don’t have) is pretty powerful.

  11. Holly@ClubThrifty

    Reading self-help books doesn’t make you weak.

    I totally agree with this. Some of the smartest and most successful people I know read self help stuff all the time. It must be working =)

    1. studentdebtsurvivor.com

      Exactly! A lot of my clients, and even some of my friends have said things about feeling like they are dumb, or broken, if they read self-help books. I completely disagree and often have some sort of motivational book on my nightstand. No need to re-invent the wheel. There’s good advice out there, just have to take it.

  12. Budget and the Beach

    Iv’e been to therapy before and found it really helpful to get through some situations with more perspective, and I LOVE self-help books! And the more you can avoid taking life so seriously the better.

    1. studentdebtsurvivor.com

      There’s so much to gain from self-help books, I’m not sure why people frown on them. I guess it’s acknowledging we’re not perfect, or something along those lines.

  13. Brick By Brick Investing | Marvin

    I like 3 and 4. As a pledge for my fraternity I became very intimate with #3. I was forced to do things that I would have never done otherwise, but being able to laugh at myself made it much easier. As for number 4, sometimes silence is the best answer until you have the words to articulate what you are trying to say.

    1. studentdebtsurvivor.com

      Oh boy, that sound incriminating;-) As long as you had fun and nobody was hurt.

  14. John @ Debt Advice Resource

    I give advice in some sense mainly from my own life experience with debt. I’m not sure about the phrase, “the best support workers are addicts” but I’ve been there and the pitfalls can be avoided.

    1. studentdebtsurvivor.com

      Maybe the best debt counselors are the ones who’ve had debt? It’s much easier to speak to a problem if you’ve been through it. But like you said, that’s sort of a slippery slope when it comes to other areas of life.

  15. Tackling Our Debt

    Thanks for sharing important reminders that we can all use in our lives.

    I really wish I was better at reading body language. I remember reading something a long time ago that said if someone sits across from you with their arms crossed it means that they are not open to listening to you or they are upset about something. I’ve also read that it is important to watch in which direction a person crosses their legs. Have you ever read about those points?

    1. studentdebtsurvivor.com

      I’ve read about the leg crossing thing. Most experts believe that crossing your legs towards someone and leaning slightly forward means you’re interested and/or are showing positive chemistry towards the person. Arms crossed can be you’re angry. Looking down means you’re lying (or in certain cultures, showing respect, by avoiding eye contact).

  16. Miss T @ Prairie Eco-Thrifter

    Very well said. I am amazed at how unaware people are of their body language and facial expressions. I pick up on things all the time and then ask a person about something and they are surprised I could read them like that. People need to watch they don’t send the wrong message.

    1. studentdebtsurvivor.com

      Thanks Miss T. I think some people just have a better read on body language than others. My bf is terrible, sometimes he doesn’t even know I’m annoyed with him until I outright tell him I’m annoyed. I on the other hand immediately can tell when he’s upset or angry based on his mannerisms.

  1. Survivor’s Standouts: 6 Month Blogiversary Edition » Student Debt Survivor

    […] Advice From Your Therapist […]

  2. Self-Care – Don’t Neglect Your Health While You Accumulate Your Wealth » Student Debt Survivor

    […] Self-Care. Eliminating stress or stressful situations, talking to friends, family or a therapist. Avoid over-extending yourself (saying “no” is OK). Spending time with people you […]

  3. Weekly Link Love – It’s About Wine Time Edition | MoMoneyMoHouses

    […] Advice from Your Therapist by Student Debt Survivor […]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>